Producers
Arin and Dan

Executive Producers
Arin and Dan

Executive Executives
Dan and Arin

Directors
Arin and Dan

Funny Joke Writers
Arin and Dan

Funny Joke Yodas
Star Wars

Stunt Performers
Arin and Dan

Production Designers
Arin and Dan

Coordinator of Catering and Events
Arin and Dan

Set Designers
Arin and Dan

Design Setters
Sacha Baron Cohen

Writers
Arin and Dan

Screenplay
Arin and Dan

Two Guys
Arin and Dan

Storyboarding
Arin and Dan

Costume Designers
Arin and Dan

Concept Art
Arin Harron and Dana Thaniel

Basically Everything Else
Darin

Makeup Designer
Alio Malio

Cranberry Sauce
Old Guy from Trauma Center

Director of Photography
A Succulent Grapefruit

Grouchy Gamers
Sharon and Anne

Gamer Tats
Spicy My Ricey

Extended Game Grumps Lore Universe
JK Rowling

Milk Duds
Candy

Florentine Expert
That guy from the thing, you know

Pesto Surprise
Sacha Baron Cohen

Event Security
A Blunt Wrench

Banjo Music
Foggy Mountain Breakdown

Que Paso?
Elephantitus Man

The One Who Wins
Video Game Boy

The Best Apple
Honeycrisp Apple

A Mediocre Apple
Grannysmith Apple

Comic Sans Relief
Gingus Flingus

Fast-acting Relief
Tough-actin Tinactin



Guest Appeances
Angelina Joline
Brad Pitted
Meg Griffin
Bituminous Filament
Slack-jawed Meerkat
Yeehaw

Most Money Given To
George Clooners

Background Extra #1
Arin

Background Extra #2
Help

Background Extra #3
Dan

Background Extra #4
I could list all the people in the Game Grumps group

Background Extra of Exports
Background Extra #2

Better than Background Extra #4
Background Extra #3

Background Extra #5
But that wouldn't be as funny

Live to Win
Paul Stanley

Will to Live
Alcohol

One-Hour Martinizer
Steve Harvey

Running Out Of Ideas For This Joke Credits Text Already
Me

Stupid Artist Name
will.i.am

It's Raining Men
Hallelujah

Special Thanks To
Mrs. Butterworth
Chili Flakes
This light buzz I've got going on
Eiffel 65
Scooby Doo's snacks
Admiral Fitzwallace
Yo momma lol
The War of 1812
Sacha Baron Cohen
A little town by the name of Butt Pucker
Willy Wonka's Wondrous High Fructose Corn Syrup Factory
Carl's Discount Life Insurance



Okay I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I decided to do this joke credits text



Filler Text
Papua New Guinea

Filter Text
M'laysia

Gefilte Text
Bismarck Sea

Miller Text
Ted Mosby

My Girlfriend doesn't text me anymore
Earl Scruggs

I think she's cheating on me
Spudd Webb



Break Room Reading Materials
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secretions
Harry Potter and the Above-Average Dividend Yields
Harry Potter and the Secret Overseas Bank Account
Harry Potter and the Quarterly Summary of Product Inventory and Shrinkage Losses at the Raymour and Flanigan Seymore PA Regional Showroom
Harry Potter and the Long-Term Effectiveness of Overhead Warning Signage Along Cyclist Paths in Low-Income Urban Neighborhoods
Harry Potter and the How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Just Hit the Bong
Jerry Stiller and the Fockers' Stone
Harry Potter and the Unforgivable Crimes Against Humanity
Harry Potter and the Nanking Massacre Was Greatly Exaggerated
Harry Potter and the I Hope No One Is Actually Reading This Because Out Of Context It Makes Me Look Like A Terrible Person But I Don't Really Believe These Things
Harry Potter and the Normal Life Without Any Magic
Harry Potter and the Unfulfilling Day Job
Harry Potter and the Receding Hairline
Harry Potter and the No One Will Ever Love Me
Harry Potter and the Well-Earned 10-Minute Smoke Break

Roth IRA Advisor
Ross O'Donavan. Donovan? Donevon.

Well-Timed Comic Relief
Wait I already did this one

More People Who Worked on Stuff
The rest of the human race

Masturbator
Weird Guy in the Corner

Class Clown
Marco Rubio

Most Athletic
Chris Christie

Life of the Party
Joe Sliden-to-DMs

Biggest Prankster
Bernie Bernster

Biggest drama king/queen
Can't mention a certain candidate without sparking angry comments. You know the one ;)

Most likely to get ID’d when they’re 30
Rand Paul

Biggest Flirt
Ted Bush, wait, Jeb Ted

Best Eyes
Lindsey Graham

Best Smile
Ted Cruz

Most Likely to Succeed
Ted Cruz's Magic Hacksaw



Jesus christ I didn't realize how long I'd have to make this to fill the whole song



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More Names
Big Dongus

I'm trying
Big Chungus

Another Name
Chung Biggus

Another Name
Buck Fungus

Another Name
Flick Bungus

Another Name
RICKKKKKKK

More Names
No I got nothing

The song is too long
Please don't continue to read



Okay here's a summary of the Age of Enlightenment:



The Early Enlightenment: 1685-1730
The Enlightenment’s important 17th-century precursors included the Englishmen Francis Bacon and Thomas Hobbes, the Frenchman Renee Descartes and the key natural philosophers of the Scientific Revolution, including Galileo, Kepler and Leibniz. Its roots are usually traced to 1680s England, where in the span of three years Isaac Newton published his Principia Mathematica (1686) and John Locke his Essay Concerning Human Understanding (1689)—two works that provided the scientific, mathematical and philosophical toolkit for the Enlightenment’s major advances.

Locke argued that human nature was mutable and that knowledge was gained through accumulated experience rather than by accessing some sort of outside truth. Newton’s calculus and optical theories provided the powerful Enlightenment metaphors for precisely measured change and illumination.

There was no single, unified Enlightenment. Instead, it is possible to speak of the French Enlightenment, the Scottish Enlightenment and the English, German, Swiss or American Enlightenment. Individual Enlightenment thinkers often had very different approaches. Locke differed from Hume, Rousseau from Voltaire, Thomas Jefferson from Frederick the Great. Their differences and disagreements, though, emerged out of the common Enlightenment themes of rational questioning and belief in progress through dialogue.

The High Enlightenment: 1730-1780
Centered on the dialogues and publications of the French "philosophes", the High Enlightenment might best be summed up by one historian’s summary of Voltaire’s "Philosophical Dictionary": "a chaos of clear ideas." Foremost among these was the notion that everything in the universe could be rationally demystified and cataloged. The signature publication of the period was Diderot’s "Encyclopédie" (1751-77), which brought together leading authors to produce an ambitious compilation of human knowledge.

It was an age of enlightened despots like Frederick the Great, who unified, rationalized and modernized Prussia in between brutal multi-year wars with Austria, and of enlightened would-be revolutionaries like Thomas Paine and Thomas Jefferson, whose "Declaration of Independence" (1776) framed the American Revolution in terms taken from of Locke’s essays.

It was also a time of religious (and anti-religious) innovation, as Christians sought to reposition their faith along rational lines and deists and materialists argued that the universe seemed to determine its own course without God’s intervention. Secret societies—the Freemasons, the Bavarian Illuminati, the Rosicrucians—flourished, offering European men (and a few women) new modes of fellowship, esoteric ritual and mutual assistance. Coffeehouses, newspapers and literary salons emerged as new venues for ideas to circulate.

The Late Enlightenment and Beyond: 1780-1815
The French Revolution of 1789 was the culmination of the High Enlightenment vision of throwing out the old authorities to remake society along rational lines, but it devolved into bloody terror that showed the limits of its own ideas and led, a decade later, to the rise of Napoleon. Still, its goal of egalitarianism attracted the admiration of the early feminist Mary Wollstonecraft and inspired both the Haitian war of independence and the radical racial inclusivism of Paraguay’s first post-independence government.

Enlightened rationality gave way to the wildness of Romanticism, but 19th-century Liberalism and Classicism—not to mention 20th-century Modernism—all owe a heavy debt to the thinkers of the Enlightenment.



Okay I'm really going crazy now. Let's see what's in my spam folder.



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jmorgan@unsignedonly.com

Your 2011 Honda Accord has an urgent airbag recall
recalls@service.honda.com

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BWI Kitchen faucet and bath mixer
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Well this is getting tiresome



Top Ten Game Grumps Memes
My Carumba
I'm Gonna Pre
Bart Sampson
Weenus
Biiiiiggg spaghetti
Game Grupes Live
Ninja Stab Party
George Wilson
Arin's rhapsody
Sacha Baron Cohen



That Ted Cruz'z Magic Hacksaw was a pretty good one, right



It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
Take a look at the five and ten, it's glistening once again
With candy canes and silver lanes that glow
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Toys in every store
But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be
On your own front door
A pair of hop-a-long boots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben
Dolls that'll talk and will go for a walk
Is the hope of Janice and Jen
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a tree in the Grand Hotel, one in the park as well
It's the sturdy kind that doesn't mind the snow
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the bells will start
And the thing that will make 'em ring is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Toys in every store
But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be
On your own front door
Sure it's Christmas, once more